In the Aftermath
by Evendale
Summary: Set right after the end of season 3. The Professor tries to deal with the wave of emotions that hits him.


That night, after the police had left the area, Sergio made a sleeping place for himself under a fir tree with low-hanging branches. As he swept away the pine needles on the ground, he noticed that his hands were trembling, and he distantly realized that he was in shock. He lay down and focused on his breathing: in… out… in… out. Slowly, the fog in his mind lifted and his breathing slowed. Thoughts he had tried to suppress came crowding in his mind, all clamoring for his attention. How could things have gone so wrong? Nairobi… shot down. His gang bombing an armored vehicle, probably killing the soldiers inside. And Raquel… The pain he felt was so sharp, it took his breath away. He could still hear the shots reverberating in his mind, feel the impact like it was his body that had been hit. Two shots… Somewhere, his beautiful, warm Raquel was lying cold with two bullet holes disfiguring the body he knew so well. He tried to stop them, but pictures kept flashing before his mind's eye: Raquel's face with a dark third eye in her forehead, weeping blood… Raquel's chest, a bullet through her beating heart… He pushed the palms of his hands against his eyes, trying to erase the images, in vain.

Tears started sliding out from under his closed eyelids. Raquel… gone. Raquel, murdered because of him. It was all his fault, of course, he shouldn't have allowed her to come, he should have tried harder to make her stay with her mother and daughter, safe. Raquel, his weak spot, his one and only love. Suddenly it hit him how used to her presence he had become in the year they had spent together, how much he had taken her for granted. A tight squeezing in his chest made it difficult to breathe as he realized how much she truly meant to him, and how clumsy he had been at showing her how much he loved her. He gritted his teeth and balled his fists in anger at himself. She had been the world to him, and he should have told her every day, he should have kissed her, held her close and never let her go. Instead, he only realized how rich he had been now that he had lost her.

He opened his eyes, and against the dark underside of the branches, he saw again the scene of their reunion on that beach in Palawan. He had been in his usual spot, looking out over the ocean with nothing much in his mind, when suddenly he heard the sound he had been waiting for for over a year: her voice.

"Do you have a charger, please?"

A slow grin spread over his face, and while he remained outwardly cool and collected, his heart thumped madly as he turned around to face her.

"If it's important, you can use mine."

Her eyes lit up and her smile was everything he had ever wanted. She looked lovely in white as she slowly walked towards him. He stood, suddenly a little awkward as they came face to face.

"Inspectora… it's good to see you again. I admit that I wasn't sure if you were coming, especially after all this time, I thought perhaps you had changed your mind, and I wouldn't have blamed you, of course…"

The corner of her mouth quirked down in a suppressed smile.

"Oh, just shut up and kiss me, you idiot."

And she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his, and it suddenly felt like they hadn't been separated even a day, even a minute. It felt wonderful to hold her, it felt heavenly, it felt like coming home. He pressed her close against him, one hand on the small of her back and one hand in her hair, reveling in the feel of her, in the realness of her body against his after so many nights with nothing but dreams.

On the hard ground under his tree, he suddenly realized that he was shaking with sobs. How could he have been so happy without knowing it? How could he have let her slip away? Unbidden, all their happy memories appeared in the dark before his streaming eyes: walks on the beach at sunset, games with Paula, nights of passion under the stars… it was all torture now. He had given up on love long ago, he had assumed that it wasn't for him, had resigned himself to a life of reason and intellect… and then _she _had appeared and shattered him. Unwanted. Unforeseen. Unknowable. Love.

He kept twisting and turning, his mind in turmoil, until the first light of dawn began to show through the branches, and he finally fell into an uneasy sleep. Of course he dreamed of her. In his dream, they were back home, in their shared bed, and he was holding her as tight as he could.

"What's the matter?" she asked him.

"I dreamt that I lost you…" he whispered into her hair. "I dreamt that you were taken from me… Raquel, promise me that you'll never leave me. I… I couldn't bear it."

She turned to face him, her smile fading as she saw the tears in his eyes.

"My love, why would I leave you?"

"You might not have a choice. They might capture either one of us. We might get separated."

"Then I will fight like a tiger to get back to you, _mi amor_. Like a lion. Nothing could stop me."

She kissed him, wiped away a tear with her thumb.

"Raquel…" he breathed, as he kissed her back.

"I will always find a way to get back to you, Sergio. I will never stop fighting. Never."

She looked into his eyes, and he could see how serious she was as she repeated: "Never."

A bird started singing next to his ear, and suddenly he was awake again, squinting his eyes against the slanting rays of the sun. Disoriented for a moment, he felt next to him for Raquel, only to feel like he was punched in the stomach as he remembered the day before. Raquel, separated from him… Raquel, caught. Raquel, dead.

"_No_", a fierce little voice in the back of his head said. "_No, she isn't._"

He shook his head and tried to be reasonable, but a little fire of certainty had kindled in the pit of his stomach. She wasn't dead, he just _knew _it. As long as there was the slightest chance that she had survived, he couldn't give up on her, and he wouldn't. He would find her, if he had to plunge all of Spain into chaos to do it. He would fight for her. He would never stop fighting. Never.


End file.
